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Friday, November 19, 2010

It’s been way too long…

I can’t believe I haven’t blogged in so long! I’ve gone back to read this a few times because it helps motivate me. I did have a time where I was not motivated and I questioned if I actually wanted to keep going or not. Now it sounds crazy but I really did. I was motivated all through Disneyland and actually lost 3.4 lbs on vacation which is incredible! I did okay the week after and then I don’t know what happened. Kyle’s family came in to town and I was looking forward to seeing them again and having the time off of work. There were a few obstacles, for instance, the first place we go to eat is the Beirgarten in Germany. It’s a buffet and I don’t care for it whether I was on Weight Watchers or not. It was awkward not eating but I tried to make the best of it. Afterwards, Kyle and I went to Japan and I got sushi and miso soup. We walked around Epcot a little more and I did well until just before we left, his family was way ahead of us, and made a stop inside the Eddy’s ice cream shop. I don’t know what came over me. I sat in there with everyone while they were ordering their giant sundaes and ice cream cones. Kyle didn’t get anything although I’m sure he wanted something. He’s so great like that. In fact, we left them there to eat cause Kyle and I had to run to the store. So that was nice. As we left, I don’t know what came over me. I just started crying, almost bawling. Thankfully it was raining outside so I could cover my face and no one could see me, not even Kyle. I was embarrassed. I felt like a child. I was crying because I was leaving an ice cream shop, upset because I couldn’t have any. I have never felt this way about food. I have not let myself have things before but it was different this time. I was really having an emotional reaction. Honestly, I felt like I went to go see an old friend and I couldn’t talk to them. I had to sit there and see my friend hanging out with everyone else but me. Isn’t that sick?! I never realized that I had such an emotional tie to my food.

I sobbed the whole way back to the car. I know I’m doing the right thing and I didn’t want to turn back on the decisions and progress I’ve made, but it wasn’t getting easier. I think the reason things are different this time is all the other diets I’ve been on, I somehow knew, deep down inside that they’re just temporary. I’m not going to deprive myself of carbs for the rest of my life. But with joining WW, I’m realizing that this is it. This is how I choose to live the rest of my life. I want to be happy. The ice cream did bring me happiness at times, but how long did it last? The happiness I’m giving myself with this new lifestyle will last forever!!

I had a few other “episodes” where I would just burst out with emotional tears over what seemed to be the silliest things. And after that tough week, I go to weigh in, I lost 0.8 lbs. What a bummer! It’s a loss, I know, trust me I was excited about that fact, I just wish it was a bigger loss for what a tough week I went through. I don’t know what changed but last week, I just kinda snapped out of it. I could feel everything including my whole attitude change for the better.

Weight Watchers is changing their whole plan soon and I think it cannot come soon enough. Some stuff has leaked on the internet and of course everyone has their speculations. And Kerri will talk about stuff in our meeting but of course nothing more than a small hint. What I’ve gotten from the whole thing is that there’s going to be a bigger focus on fruits and veggies. They want to make sure we’re making healthy decisions instead of choosing low point processed food. For example, a banana is 2 points and ½ c of Publix ice cream is 1 point. Duh! The ice cream is less points and tastes soo much better! So that’s what most people would choose even though it’s not the best choice for healthy eating. So on the new plan, they said that all fruit is free! That’s awesome! Now the banana is healthier and 0 points.

Last week I started thinking smarter about what I eat. And also focused on having more fruits and veggies, making sure I ate all of my Healthy Checks. Well I am very excited to say that after my attitude change and trying to make smarter food choices, I lost 4.6 lbs! This is week 9 people!! That’s a weight loss that’s more common for week 1 or 2 and I’m doing that weeks down the road from that! I’m so amazing!!

With that big weight loss last week, I have officially crossed the 20 lb mark. I’m at -22.4 lbs. I am so fired up! In the beginning, I wasn’t as excited about the weight loss cause I’ve done it before. I’ve lost 5-10 lbs before. But now that we’re getting into 20+ lbs… now we’re talking! This is getting big! I have 2 big milestones just on my horizon, 10% weight loss and -25 lbs. I’m 1.9 lbs away from one and 2.6 lbs from the other. They’re so attainable! I love that WW encourages small weight goals like 5%, 10%, and celebrates every 5 lb! It’s so motivating cause it seems so much more realistic. Right now I have 77.6 lbs left to lose. That number is daunting and seems sooooo far away. But knowing I have other milestones to hit before them makes me know that I can do it! I just don’t know if I want both milestones at once, or have one this week and one the next. We’ll just have to see what happens.

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