It’s tough to say it but, I gained 4.2 last week. And honestly, it’s for no good reason. It’s not like I can say, “well I gained 4.2 but that whole pizza was so worth it!” I didn’t splurge on anything out of my points. I got my healthy checks and ate lots of power foods. And on top of that, I ran 4 days that week. I don’t know what I did wrong. It’s incredibly frustrating when you work hard and receive the opposite results.
My WI/meeting was last Monday and I didn’t want to know how much I had gained yet. I planned on looking at my weight tracker once I got home. (I had weighed myself at home and I was up 6 pounds so I knew I had gained.) So Kerri weighed me in and I asked her to not tell me or to even make a face. I wanted to enjoy and focus on the meeting instead of thinking of the number in my head over and over. So I did enjoy the meeting. Normally I’m talkative in the meeting but I was very quiet Monday. I was there to learn and not participate. I needed the meeting, the meeting didn’t need me. After the meeting, I talked to Teresa in the parking lot like we usually do and she was so funny cause she was like “aren’t you so curious to know how you did?!” So I told her she could look but to turn around and not make a face. So she did.
I got in the car and started driving home. I was starving. If there’s a word for more than starving… that was me. I wanted anything and unfortunately I was not prepared with food in my purse. I almost always have something but I was running late to the meeting so I had no time to grab something. Well, my curiosity was growing about how I did at weigh in. I gave in. And that’s when I saw the +4.2. I had to look a few times to make sure I was seeing exactly what I thought. How could this happen?!
Well now I’m more than starving and pissed. So I went to Wendy’s. I don’t even really like Wendy’s but it was right there. So I pull in to the drive thru and order and Jr Cheeseburger and a small fries. (What I think is funny is old Eileen would have easily ordered a double cheeseburger and large fries with a Frosty and thought nothing of it. So it’s funny that I’m retaliating with a small burger and fries. I guess I am changing.) I know it wasn’t the right thing to do and it’s not going to fix the number in my weight tracker and it’s certainly not going in a positive direction to change the scale for next week but I did it anyways. What’s done is done.
I got home and just wanted to sulk. I was mad. Why is this getting harder?? I thought it was going to get easier as I went on. What changed? How can I go back to it being easier?? Kyle and I went to Chick Fil A for a late dinner. I got soup and fruit because I only had 4 points plus left over for my day thanks to Wendy’s. And then I had a meltdown. A 3-year old melt down. I was so angry and it just came out with tears and all. Kyle is the best boyfriend ever and came over to comfort me while I wailed about how stupid fruit is cause it’s cold and dumb and I hate fruit cause it’s not fries. (I do actually like fruit, I just lost my maturity a bit there. Lol) Kyle calmed me down and I hoped that I would be okay for the rest of the week now that that was out of my system.
I have not been my best this week. I have worked hard but I will do dumb things like open a bag of baked Cheetos and just eat. In all honesty, I didn’t eat that much but just that fact that I’m eating out of control isn’t good. I made a snickers pie that’s 3 points a slice, then I eat 3 slices. I’m sabotaging myself. It hasn’t been all bad though. I’ve been running and getting a lot of points on my pedometer at work. I even ran on a treadmill, I HATE treadmills, but I knew I needed the exercise. I’ve been eating lots of power foods and have only eaten 10 of my weeklies (the 3 slices of Snickers pie)
Yesterday I babysat Lucas, the world’s cutest baby, and that helped me stay in control by not being home. I only had the food I brought. This morning I feel a lot stronger. I was at work earlier and one of my peers said, “oh yum, look over there, don’t you just want a juicy cheeseburger??” and I honestly didn’t. That’s how I know I’m strong today. I didn’t even want fries. Fries are my weakness, well used to be I should say. I was excited to eat the soup and yogurt I brought.
I feel like I’ve lost this week. I’m not sure I’ll fully recover the 4.2 gain this week but I’m hoping I made at least a dent in it. I don’t know how I’m truly doing because Kyle hid the scale. I asked him to hide it last week but now he won’t give it back. So Monday will be a complete surprise to me. We’ll see…